2006-04-02 - 10:08 p.m.
So it's been a while eh?
I stopped writing in here because I noticed a trend in my thoughts being whiny, and meanwhile an effort to make an appearance that I was coping with the universe like a normal person would just have been fake. So I simply told myself I would pause in my writing until I stopped feeling so sad.
That was over a year ago. Truth be told, I still feel pretty sad and aimless, and yet I'm noticing something new that horrifies me to the depths of my soul; I'm becoming BORING. No wait, change that, I've already become boring. I'm just now realizing it. It's not the events in my life that need changing, it's myself, and a good dose of healthy introspection and contemplation about the world may just be what I need. So here I am back again.
One thing I can do to prepare to change my life is to write a resume. Writing a resume can lead to a new job. A new job can lead to more money, and a change of pace. More money could mean an apartment. An apartment could mean a social life, and perhaps even a love life. So writing a resume is definitely an important thing to do right now.
Prototype resume:
Degrees earned: Bachelor's in Arts for English and a Bachelor's in Science for Physics.
Jobs I am qualified for: Firefighter. TV Writer. Mad scientist.
The problem with searching for a new job is trying to fit oneself to a definition of what that job represents, and the last thing I want to ever do is actually define myself. I like being blurry, shapeless. Being amorphous is nice for the lazy. Retaining some sort of self-image takes a lot of effort, and I'm a busy guy with all the nothing I've got going on.
One might argue that it's not one's profession which ultimately determines the nature of their character, and this is true. It takes the culmination of all the hours spent in the week to do that; but forty hours is a pretty big chunk of that isn't it? Especially since fifty-six of those hours are already reserved for sleeping. That only leaves 72 hours in the week for personal time. Three days out of seven are completely yours, and not even in a row!
Sometimes I wish all the accomplishments in the world had a complete timetable next to them of exactly how long it took to finish. How many hours exactly went into Atlas Shrugged? How many minutes went into the development of quantum electrodynamics? How many days went into learning the guitar? How long should I expect it to take me to do an equivalent? How much time will I have left over for all the other things I want to do? Will I actually be able to get all these things done or just leave behind a trail of half-completed projects leading nowhere and summing up to less than their whole?
Once again, no answers lay in sight. But I finished my first entry in over a year. And tomorrow after class I'm going to make a new resume, and maybe even buy that fancy paper to print it on. I suppose it's a start.
